Call me Crazy ! 1/5/23

I told myself I would write just 30 minutes everyday, but today, I didnt know where to start. But it's not about knowing where to start. It's about starting. Not only starting but finishing what I started.That is where I lack- staying focused and finishing all the projects I start. To publish and go live with this. Let the world see the truth. The ugly, the scary, and the beauty of it all.

Just writing the word scary gives me goose bumps on my spine. Today I was coming home from work and I was passing by a 711 on lamar and 51st and I told a new acquaintance of how I got jumped by this girl I knew who I was trying to have a threesome with and she wanted to jump me and told me she was going to beat me up in the back of a parking garage so I tried busting her Mercedes coupe window and we brawled out in the middle of the road. Some guy had to intervene bc there were cars coming and thankfully because I think I was about to take one last fist to her head. She drove with my iphone, but thankfully my dog Ditka and I were ok. Physcially we were ok. Mentally I was not. This happened right before Halloween of 2022 and by Novemember 3rd I reached a state of psychosis and they had to shoot me in the ass with Haldol to later calm me down. I remained in the Mental Hospital for my birthday and Thanksgiving. They were traqualizing me with so much Haldol that my blood pressure shot up to 206 somthing so they called an ambulance and I was rushed to the emergency room. Good times. I am beginning to lose count of how many hospitials I have been in the last three years. Out of all the crazy things I have put myself through, both willingly and not, being on Haldol was probably the scariest and most uncomfortable feeling I have had.

Haloperidol is used to treat psychotic disorders (conditions that cause difficulty telling the difference between things or ideas that are real and things or ideas that are not real).

Fucking awesome, right? No. It was down right scary. That I was so far from reality and that my mind had taken me to places that they drugged me into a state of unawareness and sedation.

Oh, the places we will go. I realize my actions and decisions had a huge part of this. I also realize that I do suffer a mental disorder. Wait, not one, I think we are on about 5 different DSM-5 Mental Disorders. So, when you call me crazy, you have No fucking idea!